Thursday, 23 July 2015

A SATIRE GUIDE TO THE FINAL SIX WEEKS OF YOUR SUMMER HOLIDAYS


Nobody wants me to talk about the end of the summer holidays and the dreaded 's' word - school there I said it for you - but last night I learnt that on this evening in six weeks time, I shall be finished my first day of Fifth Year ! The first term begins relatively late this year, although I'm not going to complain about that today. Instead, I am giving you a very optimistic and important guide to having a brilliant final six weeks of your summer holidays ! If you have a life as interesting as mine, you will connect deeply to this post and if you don't acquire a good sense of sarcasm and humor, I am really sorry.

So the first step of your final six weeks of freedom is deciding to start living your life and to make the most of what is left of summer ! That is whilst you've forgotten that you cannot be arsed to go anywhere, half your friends aren't either and the other half are having more fun abroad or have a job which means that unlike you, they are actually being productive during their holidays and they are earning money. Secondly, there is nothing exciting to do in your area - that or the tourist attractions are already mundane and now full of tourists - and you definitely cannot afford to fork out twenty euros for a bus ticket to Dublin or anywhere but your own town. Public transport, why must you cost an arm and leg ? Finally, the weather has also decided that you should stay confined to your room since it's going to rain until your first day back in education ! Yay ! Not only that, everywhere remotely interesting to go to in your town is outdoors which means that unless you intend of spending your delightful day in the rain, you may just take out a mortgage to spend on indoor activities and food or else, you'll just spend the day sitting in the middle of your local shopping centre people watching. People watching isn't bad for an hour but after that you look as if you're loitering and you also become very bored.

You then, of course, begin the quest around shops for the most attractive stationary. That is until you remember that the chances of your exotic pencil case being stolen by the Christmas holidays is next to the possibility of the sun rising in the east tomorrow morning. Generic black pencil cage it is then, spending no more than a fiver because that would be a waste. No branded gel pens either, they'll get taken too.

Every night,  you go to bed with the same wishful thinking.

"Tomorrow I shall get up when my alarm goes off ! I will make the most of my day, I shall eat a full breakfast and make an effort to be finished getting ready at a reasonable hour. I will spend the morning off social media and instead, start to practice a little bit of maths, finally download the Japanese keyboard onto my phone and maybe even revise all the theory in music that I didn't put enough effort into in the Junior Cert !"

And everyday, little to none of this actually happens until the second last week of August when you realise that you are truly and utterly unprepared and royally screwed for entering Fifth Year. Well done love, give yourself a pat on the back there.

You then begin to prepare to see your lovely classmates five days a week again. This preparation involves smiling and saying hello when you see your peers on the street, rather than running down the next aisle in the supermarket to hide or just avoiding parts of the town where half of your peers frequent. Heck, even your friend who spends the summer in hibernation decides to make her annual special summer appearance so that nobody has forgotten her come September. You, on the other hand, hope that everyone has forgotten that you exist come September so that you can carry on your life in peace, pretending that you are so focused on studying that you've decided to take a year or two off social interaction.

Finally, it's time for you to start thinking of how you will answer the question "How did you spend your summer holidays ?". Some will be lenient and let you off with "nothing much really" and others will insist that you must of done something interesting in your three months off. If you're luckily enough, your English teacher will insist that too when they write that very question on the whiteboard as homework and you consider writing a fictional entry of your extremely interesting summer that never happened. Most likely, you might make your trip abroad or out of the county sound very interesting or if you didn't do that this year, you might try to make three A4 pages out of day trip to Dublin for clothes shopping or maybe the one day that you were a social human being. It's also time to perfect your stare of bemusement when asked by an adult if you are looking forward to going back to school. Other options include replying with "yes" only to receive surprised faces and questions asking why you would be so excited. I'll leave it up to you to come up with a genuine answer to that.

I hope that this guide will help you make the most of the rest of your holidays ! If you're an adult reading this who no longer attends school, well I hope this post reminded you of how eventful your summer holidays were when you were an adolescent !

Grace x 

10 comments:

  1. Lovely post, thanks for sharing! <3

    I have a new outfit post up on the blog, would love to know your thoughts:

    * Electric Sunrise - Fashion and Lifestyle Blog *

    x

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  2. I've always wondered how school works in Ireland, I'm from Canada and you have 12 years of school before you can graduate. How does it work where you live?
    http://allofthethingsilike.blogspot.ca/

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    1. We do fourteen years of education (5-18 usually.) although if you skip the optional Transition Year, you leave a year earlier ! What age do you start at in Canada ?

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  3. Lovely post, I actually found it quite funny. I have had 2 months of, and although I have made the most of it so far, I still have another month of. With blog posts planned in advance forever, I'm starting to find myself kicking my heals

    http://thriftyvintagefashion.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Ahaha thank you ! I'm really trying to plan blogposts in advance for the first time but idk if it's going to work for me

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  4. I'm starting fifth year too and I really need to do more with what Summer we have left! x
    fashionismyfirstlanguage.blogspot.ie

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    1. Same ahhhh ! Love your blog (:

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  5. This post is completely 100% accurate and is definitely how I'll be spending myast few weeks of freedom :') love this post!

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    1. *my last (Damn typos!)

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    2. ahahah thanks Kate :D Ah sure we may as well procrastinate the most out of our last few weeks !

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