This morning, I read an article on Her.ie about Dunnes Stores' latest offers on their back to school essentials and curiosity led me into two stores - my local store and a store in a nearby area. Here, I found various half price back to school offers on beauty products ! Products such as deodorant and sanitary pads and others such as hair dye and false tan. Funnily enough, I had never really thought of false tan being on the same level of importance as pens and copies when it came to the beginning of a new academic year so after an afternoon of getting my head around the idea, here are five very obvious reasons why you need to include false tan in your 2015 back to school essentials !
1. The school got a new paint job so why not you too ! Okay, credit for that quote goes to my very intelligent brother, Evan. But it's a new year, new start, a new you ! Why should you have to be the same you as you were three months ago ? Be daring and go for an entirely new look, getting your new term off to the best start possible !
2. Standing out from the crowd is so much better than blending in ! You should never feel as if you must fade into the white walls, white skies and white ceilings that surround you; why must you camouflage yourself ? Our individuality is oppressed by the school uniforms that force ourselves to conform so false tanning is a fun, bright way to avoid being a sheep in a herd of students !
3. You need a product with a wide range of uses ! Any essential that is worth it's price tag should have a number of uses rather than one. So, not only is false tan half price but it can also be used for a number of different purposes ! There's the obvious purposes such as giving your legs a colour that could only be gained on a holiday abroad and concealing veins and other so-called 'imperfections'. But you may not have thought of these life hacks that could make your year a heck of a lot easier - use your bottle of false tan for highlighting notes, an emergency item in your art pack when you forget your orange acrylic paint or even to unveil your hidden DIY guru by giving your locker an entire new paint job ! Besides, we've already mentioned the fact that the school walls and door were repainted so why not your locker too ?
4. It keeps your photographic memories 'on fleek' ! Not only is it important to look tip-top perfect in order to represent your school in a positive light, but also to represent yourself and your peers in a positive light. Extremely pasty skin tones can wash you out in photographs, ruining the excellent 5 megapixels selfie quality that your phone offers. Nobody wants a bad quality Snapchat story - even if it only lasts twenty four hours - and you definitely do not want to be washed out or else nobody will know that you were one of the squad having the bants in Maths so for the sake of your social status and future memories, being visible in photos is definitely vital.
5. Retail is saying it's an essential so of course, it must be an essential ! Y'know, guys, if ye wan at the end of your locker block is saying that applying false tan is an essential part of your morning routine and that school socks look much better rolled down to the ankles, you sort of listen, but not too much because who says she is a fashion expert to give advice ? But when a huge magazine or the store where buy all your beauty products give the same advice, you know that it is legit ! I mean, what if every girl in my class buys the false tan because of the offer and wears it on the first day because it is obviously meant for back to school and I'm the only one with legs paler than the white sheets of paper in my copybook ? That can't happen ! Besides, false tan is an essential part of looking fashionable at school !
So, if you have not caught onto my sense of humour yet, it's probably important that I mention here that the points above are sarcasm. False tan is most definitely not an essential for school. In fact, false tan is practically banned in most schools ! I have nothing against those who enjoy wearing it, but is it really wise of large supermarkets such as Dunnes Stores to encourage beauty standards, especially when it's being marketed at those returning to school i.e young girls ? I have a bit of a more 'serious' post coming towards the end of the week which is why I wanted I didn't want to go on a full on rant about this today so instead I thought I'd use satire to make a point of why this whole marketing is so wrong and ridiculous.
*** since I wrote this post, Dunnes Stores have tweeted this, saying that the promotion was error and will be removed so I guess that we can all sleep in peace tonight, knowing that we will not need false tan for the new school term. I'm still publishing this post though, since it is the not the first time that a store has pulled a stunt like this and not all of them have been 'errors' nor have they been removed.
I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments on the subject of marketing beauty products as 'back to school essentials',