Wednesday, 17 August 2016

IN-BETWEEN DAZE


It feels as if
The other day
Everything was tall
And I was aware of next to nothing
Little has changed
I may be a little taller
I may use google
But I am still having to reach
I can't catch up
I can't speak up
Tug-of-war, these in-between days

It feels as if
I've only turned ten years old
Everyone is sometimes my friend
I am not afraid of changed
Some day I will be able to run
as fast as the others
But has that some day arrived
Or is it yet to come
Now I find myself close to a few
Though often I wish to connect with no one
I am terrified
Of what will follow after this coming year
I find difficulties in leaving
Eras, months, seconds
Behind
I remain half the playground
Behind
The Rest
Tug-of-war, these in-between days

It feels as if
I am yet to greet puberty
Scarlet has never been
to visit my knickers
There's been no reply
from the letter
I sent to a
Desired pair of breasts
Sexual thoughts
are for 'sluts'
And adolescent boys who are 'gross'
Now it is I
Who seems ultimately 'gross'
Scarlet turns up any day
She doesn't even leave a
Warning note
Do these noobs that are boobs
Look better bunched together
Or hid away under a masculine t-shirt
That lust side of my brain
Remains to confuse me
I'm a bloody late bloomer
Tug-of-war, these in-between days

I guess that's it
getting to the age
Where I should know what's happening
Dolls and ball pools
Are quite ten years ago
Yet soon when you are to hand me
A can
Accompanied by
A CAO form
I will probably laugh in your face
Am I so convinced
That I was such a child
Only yesterday
That I remain
So naive
To the
Adolescenthood that I will soon leave
But with one foot remaining in
Whilst the other attempts to leave
Tug-of-war, these in-between days

__________________________________________________________

My first day of Sixth Year is in three weeks, I know too many people turning eighteen lately, as well as too many people receiving Leaving Cert results !

Also, I'm thinking of making YouTube videos again soon, probably starting with this piece ... there are too many embarrassing videos of me, aged fourteen, thinking that I am great at applying makeup and my friends have them all - I sh** you not, all of them - downloaded in case I delete any.

It can't get much worse, can it ?

Grace 

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